The Normal Plan?

I am a planner...in every sense and meaning of the word. I plan everything. I keep TWO, count 'em TWO planners in my purse. One for homework & school assignments and the other for just my everyday plans. Sometime's it becomes a bit obnoxious, I'll admit it. It can be overbearing for others, totally crazy, and completely obsessive compulsive. But for me it is a million percent necessary. Because if I have anything it is my ridiculously organized, obsessively clean lifestyle. Call it a personality trait, a characteristic or an addiction, but it is what it is.

Therefore I have felt like my entire life is on some sort of plan, at times even on a timeline. Finish Highschool. Be a teenager. Fight with parents a little, but get along with them. Don't drink, do drugs, or have sex. Be the good kid. Be a leader. Get involved at school and with the community. Find the person you want to be with at some point between highschool and college. Always know what you want to be and major in. Go to college. Do well. Graduate. Get married. Get professional/big girl job. Have kids. Raise them. Grow old. Have grandkids. Finished. 

So many times I have missed out or gone too far because I felt like I was following some sort of plan. I had all these rules for myself.... because I thought that's what a normal plan was. But the more I am learning and growing here is there is NO NORMAL. There isn't one particular way everyone is supposed to grow up or live their life.

Everyone is different and this is a diverse and unique world.. and we don't have to have a plan. Sometimes God just lets life just happens on it's on time according to his plan. :) But the Lord is teaching me I don't need to plan or control how everything is going to pan out. He has got it. I've been praying the past few weeks that God would show me the direction He wants me to take and what His plan for me is.  And slowly but surely... He's unravelling it all to me. :)

I have always thought I would be a teacher. I love kids and I played "schoolhouse" everyday when I was younger. Until this year, the idea of being something besides a teacher had never even occurred to me. I took an education class my first semester and although the class was fabulous, it's simply not what I am called to do. I had no rhyme or reason for this thought process, besides the fact I just could feel it.  My heart was screaming "No!" So then I went into search mode frantically trying to choose a major and decide what I was going to be. Well the one plan I was positive of for my future, was the fact I would be a missionary. So I thought, Well, I like religion a lot and spanish... so I'll just double major in those. That would work for missions. 

But recently the Lord just spoke to me and said... "What do you just want to be?" Aside from your fears, or plans, or expectations from others... What does your heart just desire to do?

.... Nurse... I have always had a deep desire to be a nurse, I just didn't ever think I could do it. Nurses have always been on such a high level for me. I have the upmost respect for who they are and what they do....but I convinced myself I would never be capable of that. But as I talked with the Lord... he showed me I am every bit capable.

So I am following my heart now...not my plan. I will be a nurse as long as it continues to be God's plan. I am unsure of the future, unfinished with my plans... and I. AM. HAPPY. :)