It's the little things.

I'm beginning to realize the things that make me happy in life are the little things. Like playing with some of the most beautiful little girls on the planet all weekend.

My little cousin, Sean's precious smile.

Laughing with my incredible family...

Spring Time.. :)

Reuniting with friends :)

Future Roomates & exciting things to come...

Enjoying my time on this planet with people who mean so much to my life.

Yoga.

Spring Flowers :)

real love.

Jesus is sooo amazing.

God is ridiculously awesome. :) He loves me so much and shows me all the time. I am so blessed!

All day Satan has been convincing me I am not smart, that I could never make it as a nurse, that I'm not a good student, that I'm a screw up, that I would never even pass the test to get into nursing school, that i can't do it.'

....Well Satan, wanna know what my Jesus says? It is good that you recognize your weakness. That keeps you looking to me, Your Strength. I can equip you to do absolutely anything, as long as it is my will. :)


so take that. hmph. :)

The Normal Plan?

I am a planner...in every sense and meaning of the word. I plan everything. I keep TWO, count 'em TWO planners in my purse. One for homework & school assignments and the other for just my everyday plans. Sometime's it becomes a bit obnoxious, I'll admit it. It can be overbearing for others, totally crazy, and completely obsessive compulsive. But for me it is a million percent necessary. Because if I have anything it is my ridiculously organized, obsessively clean lifestyle. Call it a personality trait, a characteristic or an addiction, but it is what it is.

Therefore I have felt like my entire life is on some sort of plan, at times even on a timeline. Finish Highschool. Be a teenager. Fight with parents a little, but get along with them. Don't drink, do drugs, or have sex. Be the good kid. Be a leader. Get involved at school and with the community. Find the person you want to be with at some point between highschool and college. Always know what you want to be and major in. Go to college. Do well. Graduate. Get married. Get professional/big girl job. Have kids. Raise them. Grow old. Have grandkids. Finished. 

So many times I have missed out or gone too far because I felt like I was following some sort of plan. I had all these rules for myself.... because I thought that's what a normal plan was. But the more I am learning and growing here is there is NO NORMAL. There isn't one particular way everyone is supposed to grow up or live their life.

Everyone is different and this is a diverse and unique world.. and we don't have to have a plan. Sometimes God just lets life just happens on it's on time according to his plan. :) But the Lord is teaching me I don't need to plan or control how everything is going to pan out. He has got it. I've been praying the past few weeks that God would show me the direction He wants me to take and what His plan for me is.  And slowly but surely... He's unravelling it all to me. :)

I have always thought I would be a teacher. I love kids and I played "schoolhouse" everyday when I was younger. Until this year, the idea of being something besides a teacher had never even occurred to me. I took an education class my first semester and although the class was fabulous, it's simply not what I am called to do. I had no rhyme or reason for this thought process, besides the fact I just could feel it.  My heart was screaming "No!" So then I went into search mode frantically trying to choose a major and decide what I was going to be. Well the one plan I was positive of for my future, was the fact I would be a missionary. So I thought, Well, I like religion a lot and spanish... so I'll just double major in those. That would work for missions. 

But recently the Lord just spoke to me and said... "What do you just want to be?" Aside from your fears, or plans, or expectations from others... What does your heart just desire to do?

.... Nurse... I have always had a deep desire to be a nurse, I just didn't ever think I could do it. Nurses have always been on such a high level for me. I have the upmost respect for who they are and what they do....but I convinced myself I would never be capable of that. But as I talked with the Lord... he showed me I am every bit capable.

So I am following my heart now...not my plan. I will be a nurse as long as it continues to be God's plan. I am unsure of the future, unfinished with my plans... and I. AM. HAPPY. :)

Perspective for this Man

In the past couple weeks I have been dealing with so much. I've not only been constantly trying to figure out life, love & relationships but also just how the world works in general. I'm so devoted to people and relationships so I become totally drained sometimes trying to make everyone else happy. But I'm also really working hard on my school work and trying to make really good grades. I'm also making some important decisions that are the beginning of how my adult life plays out. And on top of all that I've been really struggling with my health.. Lots of sickness, doctors appointments, tests, and waiting on results have really put a lot of things in perspective for me. 

But the main thing I keep thinking about is...what an unbelievably amazing man I am dating.

Ben & I have been together for almost 4 years now and I am truly the luckiest girl in the world. Our relationship hasn't always been a walk in the park, but I can honestly say I have never loved him more than I do today, right now, in this very moment.

Many people don't know the Ben I know. I have been given the privilege to learn and understand this incredible human being. Ben is a man's man and that is definitely one of my favorite qualities about him. He can literally fix anything. He has fixed everything from my car to my heart. <3 He is a handy man. He is also a really hard-worker. You can guarantee that he will do the best he possibly can at whatever is asked of him. Ben is honest, sometimes even brutally honest. But I am so thankful for that honesty because I know I can always expect the truth from him. This man is so loyal, so protective, so honorable, so respectful, so creative, so intuitive, so intelligent... and SO amazing.

I have taken this man for granted too many times. Especially when he never, ever fails to take care of me. He holds me when I'm hurting, he encourages me when I'm sad, he teaches me when I'm wrong, he loves me when I'm angry, and he respects me when I'm scared. But he doesn't just emotionally and mentally take care of me, he has always been my prince in shining armor. He has carried me off a basketball court twice after I tore every ligament in my body, he caught me when I fainted in my driveway, this man always, always takes care of me. You would think there couldn't possibly be more? But there is...

This man is my best friend. He constantly makes me laugh with our dumb inside jokes, his rude sarcasm that never fails to make me hysterical and the neurotic way we communicate that somehow totally works. Not too many people understand how we work or why, but it really doesn't matter. When it comes to real love, there are really no set rules. There is no normal for how couples should be, or certain ways for people to act or communicate. The bottom line is... God has brought Ben & I together. Of that I am sure. The Lord has allowed us to grow, and love, and learn, and bond and everyday I am so thankful for this love. I am so thankful for this bold, daring, perfect love. :)

 So in these crazy, hectic past few weeks... my life has been put into perspective and I'm done taking things for granted... especially him. So to the love of my life, THANK YOU. Thank you for putting up with all my craziness, for loving me unconditionally, and mostly for being the Godly man I've always dreamed of. I love you with all my heart... :) cresiderimn. 

I want to...

I want to change the world but collapse on the couch every night...

This statement fits me to the tee. I am highly ambitious with a million dreams of all things I want to do and how I want to help everyone. Adopt orphans, Recycle all water bottles, Volunteer with premature babies and their families, be a foster parent, have shelter animals stay with me to recuperate from abuse, teach everyone on the entire planet about Jesus, give blood everyday, my list goes on..and on..and on.

But at the same time I just want to literally collapse on the couch or in my bed every.single.night. I want to take a nap that lasts forever.. I want to do about 6 hours of yoga a day... I want to paint outside, by myself for so long that I don't even remember what time it is...I want to lay on the beach for days at a time.. and I want to float in the ocean until the wind pushes me to the shore.

I guess life is just about finding that balance of relaxing and doing. Do I want to change the world? YES. Do I want to sleep forever? YES. So I will not kill myself trying to do everything but realize both are things we all need in our lives and my efforts are what counts the most. :)

Church Days

I went back to church for the first time today in a couple of weeks. As ashamed as I am to admit I haven't been to church in so long I know that it's not because I didn't want to. My life has been so, so busy. Constantly going and Sundays are truly my only days for rest. Sometimes I don't even get to rest on those days. So I am finally beginning to slow down and this morning I tried the contemporary service at First Baptist. (Since my church is in Cataula, I'm still looking for a LaGrange church. :))

And it was fabulous. I forgot how much I love the hustle and bustle of Sundays in the South. All the sweet families, dressing their adorable children up to the tee. The finding the right outfit, parking place, and seat at church. I love the friendly atmosphere that I would alone associate with Churches in the South. I love the greeting, strangers hugging, and just the friendliest atmosphere there is.

I love the sense of a family and being united. But more than anything there is no better way to start the day fresh on the word of the Lord. "Grace and Peace be yours in abundance." -1 Peter 1:2. There is nothing I love more than learning about the God that saved me, the God that loves me, and the God that fills my life with his hope.

 Singing out his name, raising my hands, and relaxing in His presence with other believers. That is what I missed.

Only 19 yet he's a hero...

On Friday, March 1,2011, I had the privilege of watching my phenomenal 19 year old cousin & best friend, Zak, graduate from basic training. There was an awesome ceremony held for all the young men on Fort Benning and it was truly a blessing that I was able to go.

For all who know Zakary Kyle Taylor, they know what an incredible man he has become. Zak has a heart bigger than this planet. He is smart, but humble. He respects but stands up for what is good and right. He knows when to be quiet, but is hysterical every time he talks. I've never met anyone with his sense of joy and vibrance for life. He is unbelievably talented, extremely loving, and the most loyal person you could ever know.

Zak has not only always looked out for me, but he always takes care of me. He has taught me and pushed me further than I knew I could go, but mainly he has just loved me. He always, always unconditionally loves me. He enjoys simply hanging out together and appreciates so much just the little things I've done for him. He is the kind of person everyone wants to have around. There are two things I love more than anything about him: his laugh and his hugs. Zak has an infectious laugh that lights up an entire room. His laugh just makes you want to laugh even if you don't think the topic is funny. But his hugs... when Zak hugs me he makes me know that he truly loves me. As well as he does everyone he hugs. They are safe and real. 

I could not possibly ask for a better cousin, much less a more perfect best friend. Zak, you are like the brother I never had and you always will be. I'm here for you for whatever babe and I am so, so proud of your accomplishments. I know you are going to go so far and I can't wait to see all the things God has in store for you. I love you with all my heart. Remember also, that Angie is such a blessing. I know you guys are more than perfect for each other and I am SO happy for the both of you. Always treat her right... because she really does love you. :) And Ang, remember you definitely got a good one too ;)

You're becoming a soldier... and a hero to the world. :) But you've always been a hero in my eyes.